Quirky Pun Collector T-Shirts

"You have an intense fear of long words. We call this condition Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"It can't be much of a life working all day, but at least he gets to wear a stripey jersey."

Fist Bumper Cars

Ms. Rusmore

Pete would never forget the time he saw his very first nasal hare.

"He refuses to use these now they've made them gender nonspecific."

'Do we have any alligator pears?'

"Think about the honey."

This man is an island.

'I see adventure in your future. Yes. You're going to be a culinary adventure.'

"How much did it cost to have your ears pierced?"

"Actually, 'Loss of Limb' would be covered under your homeowners policy."

"Paper or plastic?"

'It's only four acres but we're glad we bought it - he's always wanted to be an expert in his own field.'

Kind- hearted, nature-loving Jeff built a new improved bird table.

'Wool ewe pullover yourself together.'

A Brain Drain

"Why do you call the new sheepdog Bra?"

Biliard Enthusiast

"The moment he told me he lived in a lighthouse, I knew he was a keeper."

The marketing is out there now. People all know the pizzas are prepared on the premises. So why no customers?

Tunnel of Accountants: "You've been selected for a random audit."

'I'm writing you a prescription for some people soup.'

'Don't be alarmed - I'm a proctologist.'

The Bear Fax.

Racketeer

"Unplug and chill out."

'I'd say your vision is being affected by an arrow through your head, but perhaps you'd like to get a second opinion from an eye specialist.'

Bell Hop

Cafe: 'Soup of the day, Hon, is 'primordial'.'

Ed Revere, Spam Courier

Quicksand Swamp - Cheap Burial Plots.

Artichoking victim

'In the circumstances, I think we should skip the housewarming party.'