Quirky Office Humor Enthusiast Gifts

'Thank you for calling the Corned Beef Marketing Board. Press 'hash' now.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"Bert, I'm confused. What happens after we circle the wagons, tighten our belts and walk a mile in our customer's shoes? Is that when the chickens come home to roost?"

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

On his desk, a cat has an in box, out box and litter box.

'I'll be late for dinner, dear. I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

'You could be a constant inspiration for us to come up with a plan to get a leg up on our competition...you're hired!'

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

'Our product flooded the market... Before backing up a deluge of consumer complaints!'

Man to realtor: 'How much for a starter cubicle?'

'You're my best man, Pomeroy, so I've decided to sell the damn company.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

In/Out/These Things Happen.

"No, I didn't steal your content. I just have your content's doppleganger."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

(oil - petroleum - gushing out of inkwell)

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

'I'm judging by your silence Al that you're giving me the green light on the Greenwich project. I just want to say that I admire your leadership. I guess that's why you've been running this company for 20 years.'

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

"I realize we had to liquidate some assets, but don't you think I'd be more productive if I had a desk?"

'He got a raise but not enough to help him clear the fence.'

Golfing Boss

I'm going to practice on you before I start managing other people.

Work Parfait

"The good news is that we do have a little wiggle room."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

Lethal Presentation

"Dammit, Johnson. You've got to start thinking outside of the box."

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

"Read our contracts, Ms Donahue. It says 'No Sexual Harassment on the workfloor!'"