Quirky Office Dynamic Observer Gifts

'My car has been tipped over and rammed repeatedly. You don't know anything about this, do you Carl?

"This position has become very important to the company."

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

"Serendipity is not a strategy."

Terry had a computer bug.

'I'm looking for an assistant who knows my job, can do my job, but has no interest in having my job.'

'I owe you an apology, Greffman -- Let's keep it that way.'

"Missing a call is no excuse for eating your assistant."

That endless instant between initial eye contact and conscious recognition.

'All applicants for employment must first submit to a company physical - We use it to eliminate anyone with a backbone.'

'Have you decided who's going to be team leader?'

"Remember that requirement that you work without supervision? Forget it."

'See Dick sleep on job. See Dick get fired.'

'You seem young, Perkins. Why, I bet I was incarcerated before you were even born.'

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

'Don't try to use me. I'm not user friendly!'

'You're not the manager I expected.' - 'So blame yourself for having lousy judgement.'

'My salary increase got a few oo-hs.. but no ah-hs..'

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

'Looks like Kryson is no longer in the inner circle.'

Good solution. Now we need a good problem.

'Cut out the hearsay and get back to work, Ms. Sims.'

'Put simply, we need our website to tell consumers all about our company without really telling them anything about our company,'

'They're always going on and on about 'carrying management' so this seemed like a natural...'

"De plane! De plane! De bird! De bird!...."

"I think deep down he's really pleased the union has a female head for the first time..."

"Oh, he claims I bit his head off, did he? And I suppose you BELIEVED him?"

'Lets see now, Henderson, you've not shown any initiative because nobody asked you to.'

I don't feel very secure on this job.

In case of panic, push button.

Jenkins! Why is it everything in this office is voice-activated except you?

"I've got your letter in front of me now, sir."

Age-salary ratio

"That report you wrote sure made me look good to the board... Take an extra five minutes for lunch!"