Quirky Notice Board User Gifts

"Post that memo upside down... then everyone will try to read it."

Local rock claims to have been muse for Emily Dickinson poem "I'm that 'little stone' honest to goodness!"

My other cello is a Stradivari

"It was your idea to install the TV dish on the church spire"

'Details of the summer fete can be found on our website. The address is on the notice board at the back of the church.'

'If all the red warning lights come on, it means meltdown, so get out of the car fast!'

"The boss complimented Bob today... but now he's afraid if he talks to him again he'll say something stupid and ruin it!"

"Take Elevator B To The Fourth Floor Then Turn Right..."

'I see we've got a devout mac user at no. 23.'

'Guys, could we try a different inversion?...Guys?'

A woman sits in an office of the Food and Drug Administration in - out boxes marked MMMM Good and Oh - Bad.

Dave began to suspect that he had moved next door to the neighbour from hell.

my boyfriend's a music producer...

Competitions.

Hi honey, I'm on the plinth.

Computer problems

"So typical. Hurry up and wait."

"Hi. My name is Barry, and I check my E-mail two to three hundred times a day."

Man pokes his touchscreen and hurts it.

"No it's simply sick from all the filth you've downloaded."

'That's one way to 'shut down' the system...'

Eskimo and his PC in fridge.

Snake disappearing through door.

Dear Mr Burglar - Just a quick heads up all of us in here have tested positive 4 covid. . . Cheers.

'Isn't that cute? -- It remembers you from last time.'

I USED to know everybody by name. Now they're just Tuneless Whistle, Hacking Cough and Knuckle Pop.

I haven't seen you look at your Me-phone for five whole minutes. What gives? It's not what you think. I'm still important. I still get alerts every few seconds that remind me and everyone around me that I have things going on. It's just that my phone's charging right now. I swear. Well, I'll help you out in the meantime ... Alert: Constant alerts don't make you a "somebody," you loser! Thanks. That helps.

New course - Surviving Unemployment

Bass scale

Piano Tuners. You broke a wire. That'll cost you a c-note!

"Community Board."

"Can I put this on your bulletin board? The one in the hall is totally crazy."

Lost-Little Tabs of Paper

' Apparently we'll have to pay, if we want our mail delivered to the wrong address before 9 A.M.'

'My shorthand's a bit rust, but here's the best of last nights row...'