Quirky Motivators T-Shirts

'Bill got sacked, sleeps on a park bend and eats dog food. He's the most motivational speaker we've ever had.'

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

GCSEs

'If you can keep him clean for a day you can sleep in his bed tonight.'

'Why, I don't exactly know -- how long HAVE we been here, Bobo?'

"That's our new church mascot."

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

Illogic Tree

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

'I knew it was time to do something when I leapt from the stage to do some body surfing and the crowd parted.'

Consenting Adults.

Floss Street Vendor

'And one, and two, and three, and don't get discouraged Manatee, and four, and five...'

Bureau of alcohol, tobacco, firearms and other neat stuff.

Child selling cold lemonade in the winter

'It's my own fault, I encouraged him to give up cigarettes in favour of a pipe. It was while we were on holiday in the Swiss Alps!'

Doomsday marketing

Support, Encourage, Inspire.

"Are you aware of how many times you say 'oink' when you talk?"

'...hmm ...I predict an upturn in profits this year.'

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

"Nihilistic rage motivates me to cling desperately to this job."

'It says here you like to push the envelope.'

Every Day is a Gift

'Yes, we can easily place a gallon of Rocky Road in with your husband.'

Before the Salivating Dogs

'…and then I invented ‘prong-less' barbed wire…'

"I hope you don't mind, I can't sleep without them."

'There's something about being locked up with a 500lb gorilla, highly allergic to cigarette smoke, that works every time.'

"Wouldn't it be easier to get one of those pregnancy testing kits from the chemiost, Julie?"

"See? You don't need fancy window displays to attract attention...just get some police tape!"

"He's starting to make coffee in the mailbox, isn't he?"

"Oops! Another cloning that got out of hand!"

Johnny Appleseed's less popular brother, Joey Kiwi.

Recycle your problems. Many of our neuroses, hang-ups and character defects can be re-used by others.