Quirky Motivators T-Shirts

'Bill got sacked, sleeps on a park bend and eats dog food. He's the most motivational speaker we've ever had.'

A desert island with a knotted palm tree

GCSEs

'Why, I don't exactly know -- how long HAVE we been here, Bobo?'

'If you can keep him clean for a day you can sleep in his bed tonight.'

"I thought your show-and-tell was really brave."

"That's our new church mascot."

Illogic Tree

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

'I knew it was time to do something when I leapt from the stage to do some body surfing and the crowd parted.'

Floss Street Vendor

Consenting Adults.

'And one, and two, and three, and don't get discouraged Manatee, and four, and five...'

Bureau of alcohol, tobacco, firearms and other neat stuff.

Child selling cold lemonade in the winter

'It's my own fault, I encouraged him to give up cigarettes in favour of a pipe. It was while we were on holiday in the Swiss Alps!'

Support, Encourage, Inspire.

"Nihilistic rage motivates me to cling desperately to this job."

Doomsday marketing

"Are you aware of how many times you say 'oink' when you talk?"

Sun Dried Ice Cubes

'...hmm ...I predict an upturn in profits this year.'

'It says here you like to push the envelope.'

Every Day is a Gift

'…and then I invented ‘prong-less' barbed wire…'

'Yes, we can easily place a gallon of Rocky Road in with your husband.'

'There's something about being locked up with a 500lb gorilla, highly allergic to cigarette smoke, that works every time.'

Before the Salivating Dogs

"I hope you don't mind, I can't sleep without them."

"Wouldn't it be easier to get one of those pregnancy testing kits from the chemiost, Julie?"

"See? You don't need fancy window displays to attract attention...just get some police tape!"

"He's starting to make coffee in the mailbox, isn't he?"

'It's simple really-the windscreen wiper that cuts up parking tickets!'

"Oops! Another cloning that got out of hand!"

Recycle your problems. Many of our neuroses, hang-ups and character defects can be re-used by others.