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O'Leary's Monuments

'Okay.. what the hell.'

'You wanted a tractor intead of a wedding car, and our dogs as bridesmaids... so why shouldn't I have one of my cows as best man?'

'I'd like to leave my pacemaker to the medical institute, my artificial lung to the research center, my false teeth to the dental clinic, my dacron arteries...'

The Porkypine Pals - Moon Business

Bad Office Planning

"Right before I die I'm going to swallow a bag of popcorn kernels."

"When I die, I'd like to die having sex..."

"Look—let's just get past today, O.K.?"

'Darling. Let's get the Gustavssons over this weekend for some more bare knuckle boxing.'

"Legally, we're a farm."

'We should have bought the piano first, and built the igloo around it.'

'Happy Birthday To You...'

"Could you deliver 500 pizzas over there at the sports shop? Just ask for Hank at the frisbee department."

Prisoners escaping in bubbles.

"You may now fist pump the bride."

Friends and family spread the ashes of famed hairstylist Enrico Simone.

'He always said he loved fireworks but I didn't think he would take it this far.'

'He would have wanted it this way, Molly.'

"Remember, bring it all back within two weeks and I'll refund your deposit."

The First Aero Wedding

"I'm using sticky notes to identify areas in my life that can be improved. This one says I need five bucks to buy more sticky notes."

"Each to each, I always say! Share and share alike! I take pride in my cuisine, but at the same time I am willing to divvy up household chores with a wife. Say, a wife named Irma. That is, if Irma shares as breadwinner! I'll do the cooking! We'll split th

"He loved Vegas."

For use in case of wrongful arrest.

Fisherman waiting with a mallet.

'It was his last request. He was a track star in college.'

"Typical! We've got this place to ourselves just because people are too lazy to climb a few stairs!"

"Yellow? Don't call us until it's at least an orange alert."

That's right, this brochure will help you preselect your final shoebox so your kids won't have to.

'I had Geoffrey's carbon made into a diamond.' 'Lovely! I had Stanley's bones made into soap.'

"Once we're in, Frank will get the TV remote, Eddie will grab the phone charger, and Ace - you'll be on tupperware lids."

"And I want to be buried face down! I'm a stomach sleeper."

Fish Memorial

'I planned to have him cremated - but you know me, always changing my mind at the very last minute.'