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Term Life Insurance

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

The Public Option

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"What you have is very expensive to treat. Would you like me to diagnose you with something affordable?"

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

Sacking a unprofitable patient

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

'I'm screwed...'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

'The good news is that I managed to install the wind turbine...'

Garage Sales Anonymous

"No I'm afraid your health insurance doesn't cover this."

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

"Grandma is included in the purchase price."

SHRUNKEN ID STRIP#1Post modernism "so 90's"

Entomology Lab. I think the insect population declines we've been seeing in nature are a result of problems with their healthcare system. Podiatry and vision care are not covered services. Your plan will only pay for a one-night stay in the cocoon. The HMO says this is a workers comp issue. Insurance. Premiums are higher for ladybugs than for other bugs.

'We deny most claims, but that's how we keep your premiums so low.'

'I need you to open wide, Peel.' - 'Ahhh.' - 'Not your mouth, fool! Your wallet.' - 'Arghhh!' - 'Wider!' - 'Argh!'

"Why carry malpractice insurance if you don't malpractice once in a while?"

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"Your guess is as good as mine, but yours isn't covered by insurance."

'How much is it doc?' 'Fif...fif...fif...seventy five dollars.'

"Your health insurance only kicks in when you can run 100m in under 10 seconds."