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Term Life Insurance

'Frankly, our dental plan bites.'

"You'll be awake during the entire procedure. Your HMO won't cover the Anesthesia."

'Cock-a-doodle-doo!' 'Cut back on the chicken soup.'

'The problem is you're a perfectionist. You don't always have to be totally evil. Sometimes it's OK to just be annoying.'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

"Today we insure every American and end the need for private health insurance."

"What you have is very expensive to treat. Would you like me to diagnose you with something affordable?"

"My great-uncle Octavio always wore his hat in the house. That way, if bad company knocked on the door, he could say he was just leaving."

'Our policy is quite plain. We don't pay out on claims we can't pronounce.'

'I knew it! Important Exclusion 347, 'Plummeting Pachyderms'. . .'

"Most of our procedures are out of network."

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

"No matter how badly you have sinned, you don't have to worry about losing your coverage!"

'Yes we can cure you - but the bigger problem now is: can you afford it?'

"This is a third-year medical student. To cut costs, your insurance company dismissed the surgeon."

Sacking a unprofitable patient

'...Sure, I can tell you how to prevent getting old...You can lie about your age...You can smoke...And you can drive drunk...'

'You do have catastrophic insurance, but it only applies in case of invasion from outer space.'

SHRUNKEN ID STRIP#1Post modernism "so 90's"

'Human beings get all the breaks -- just TRY to get Medicare to pay for a tree surgeon!'

"No I'm afraid your health insurance doesn't cover this."

'I'm screwed...'

'The good news is that I managed to install the wind turbine...'

Garage Sales Anonymous

"Grandma is included in the purchase price."

'We deny most claims, but that's how we keep your premiums so low.'

"Why carry malpractice insurance if you don't malpractice once in a while?"

'I need you to open wide, Peel.' - 'Ahhh.' - 'Not your mouth, fool! Your wallet.' - 'Arghhh!' - 'Wider!' - 'Argh!'

'The bartender referred me to a shoe shine boy, and the shoe shine boy referred me to you.'

"Your guess is as good as mine, but yours isn't covered by insurance."

FISHY Life Insurance Co.

'Are you sure this isn't a pre-existing condition?'

'How much is it doc?' 'Fif...fif...fif...seventy five dollars.'