Quirky Gift Enthusiasts T-Shirts

'Whole life will cover all 9 lives. The term policy will only cover you for lives lost during the term.'

"Chocolate Jesuses!"

"Sales of banana flavoured reindeer soap are dreadful...it makes you worry that people have forgotten what Christmas is all about!"

It's The Thought That Counts: Totally useless gifts.

'Well, in my case it all started out with some really bad advice from a fortune cookie....'

'I can't afford Cashmere pullovers, computers or stocks. This is less expensive - but just as useless!'

'...Baseball bats, gentlemen, are sacred objects. We do not dress them up in doll clothing.'

Uses of a Dead Cat: Anti-aircraft Defences.

Graham was secretly disappointed with his present.

"It's Christmas time, which means Tia Carmen probably is going to give me what she gets me every year...how can I let her know in a sensitive, mature way that I don't need any more?"

'Here you go, kid! A worm.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"And as soon as he's on the mend,we'll get the physiotherapist in here with a ball of twine."

Lactose Intolerant

"All natural snow cones for sale."

'So where do you think pineapple juice comes from?'

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

God putting the finishing touches to the Pug.

A golden Big Boy holding a plate of poop

Easter Island Cheeseheads

Excess Baggage: Some people take getting away from it all very seriously.

All bets are off as Round One begins in the "Dollars versus Donuts" World Championship title fight.

Emergency Phone.

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

'Take my tip,sonny and say it with jelly babies.'

Ball as water-melon.

You don't need to believe EVERYTHING you are told.

How Amazon was invented

'We have three minutes left.'

"Happy Anniversary, dear! It's a gold spray-painted macaroni necklace."

"'How We Die' - fabulous!"

"It's my home grown quail call. Quail don't come when I blow it, but cows sure do."

A watch face with Stonehenge

"And at no extra charge I can give your old suit a Viking funeral."

'It's another corporate lawyer...do we want to buy a soul?'