Quirky Family Storyteller Pillows

"Everyone here is alive because I got laid."

"Did you sleep awkwardly again?"

'It's really more of a family forest than a family tree.'

True confessions.

"Just kick back and enjoy this. These are the nest years of our lives!"

"Sorry lad, ye can't be having' me pot o' toilet paper."

The Family Joules: Part 21

"It seems like only yesterday that Dad told me I'll be an adult before I know it."

"No, son, you’re not ‘M for Mature.’"

"Your momma lied to you, boy."

"When I was young my parents couldn't afford to give me too much, too soon."

Children's Party

"Hello, my name is Karl and I'm addicted to speaking to small groups of strangers."

'We're doing a fly on the wall documentary.'

'Riley, I think it's time you learned the truth... You're adopted.'

"Oh, she talk a lot...but only about her children."

'This court finds you guilty Mr. Jones. As your punishment, the bailiff here will slug you one.'

"Tell us the one about swift justice, Grandpa."

'You were a band geek?! Maybe Max will play an instrument!'

"We're not laughing at you, sweetie. We're laughing at something you don't understand."

'It is a big day! Ten years ago, yout dad joined the union!'

"Well, I assume the three bears went in the woods like all bears do. May I continue?"

"See those birch trees on the other side of the pond? That’s the exact spot where your mother first called me an idiot."

Wyatt returns home to visit his old small town.

"But our history was current events when you were at school Dad!"

"Well, sir, it looks like things are getting pretty serious for Peter and Pauline."

How I met your mother

"Grandpa, how did you ever survive without apps?"

"The last one is Uncle Charlie. He was pardoned in 1987."

'Oh God I hope that bunch of rednecks aren't waving at me!'

'There's a little bit of my late husband in every glass - I used his ashes as a fining agent.'

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

'If I want to live happily ever after, grandma, do I have to marry a princess?'

"Oh I remember, it was a particularly cold day and your daddy whispered sweet nothings in my ear. It gave me such a warm feeling inside that I knew he was the one!"

Brilliance runs in my family, but in a zig-zag pattern.