Quirky Contrarian T-Shirts

I've got a problem – with me. Counseling costs extra. I always hated BMW owners. But one day I woke up and realized I drive a Saab. People who vacation in the Hamptons give me hives, but I've got a summer spot in Santa Cruz. I protested against big corporate oil companies … wearing a North Face jacket and Nike high tops! Don't you realize what I've become? I'm an upwardly mobile hippy! Death to the huppy. Hates fancy coffee drinks, loves soy milk.

If you bathe a skunk in tomato juice, it will smell like a dog. A bird in the hand is better than two in your shorts. Never wear aqua after Thanksgiving. Unconventional wisdom.

Pigeon Little

'Dial 1-900-Fortune.'

'If, as you say, they're so evolved, why do they need to wear clothes to survive?'

Reverse psychology

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

"I'm sorry, but you didn't recognize me as the Messiah when I had braces and glasses."

"Ever notice how grateful people are when you present them with facts contrary to their beliefs?"

"Let's see now: All dogs have four legs. I have four legs. Therefore, I am a dog."

"They're healthy? All this time, Mom said carrots and raisins were nature's candy!"

'Harrison, going against your better judgement has made us a lot of money...'

Yeah, well, I only failed my logic exam because I'm a Pisces and my professor's a Leo.

'The fourth quarter was no walk in the park. Especially for those who count on us to walk in the park.'

"Dont believe anything those guys have told you. None of it. It's all B.S."

Jeffrey's Time Machine: '...I want to go back and see what the world was like when people weren't so stupid and annoying!'

'A little squirt like Graubart would theorize that the Universe is contracting!'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

60 minutes I.Q. test - pick the counterfeit.

'An ebook! What are you reading?' 'Against technology: From the Luddites to neo-Luddism.'

"It doesn't matter if the glass is half empty or half full if you have a case."

'He's always looking for an argument!'

"I just completely disagree with what you just said about America lacking focus."

Burning the Other

'Lately, I've been thinking a lot about evolution. My theory is that it all points to 'survival of the fattest'.'

"What if my bliss happens to be suing people?"

'Don't Move!' - 'Why would I want to move? Lived here for 51 years, know all the neighbours, shops nearby, post office is closed but...'

"It Works For Us."

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

"It's chic to be vulnerable."

"Now they're saying 80 is the new 70. So, when's the new dead?"

"Don't you shush us, mister! We're famous consultants!"

'Did you ever wonder why iced coffee is goof but cold coffee isn't? . . . You're not curious like I am.'

"The gods aren't angry, Tara. They're just hurt and disappointed."

"Is it always so cloudy?"