Quirky Business Humorist Pillows

Founder of Taxidermy Company

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I'm afraid 'It's a surprise', doesn't cut it as a growth strategy."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

Spot the difference.

'It's a deal, lets sniff bottoms!'

"Just another 50 decibels on your grunt and we can start to think about letting you hit a few balls!"

"This report is mumbo jumbo...I asked for gobbledeeegook!"

'Okay, is there anybody else whose homework ate their dog?'

"If we can just get beyond this 'I'm the boss' mentality and concentrate on a simple 'What I say goes' outlook, I think this will all work out."

Sign - Halt manager crossing

"Any questions?"

'This is one of our most recent vintages!'

"So then the VP of Sales looks right at me and says 'Larry, what's going on? We don't have any traction in the market.' Like it's MY fault!"

A tortoise toboggans down a hill in its shell

"No training period, but you can purchase my instructional video on line for $49.95."

'We haven't improved quality, but we've made it easier to return.'

Don't swallow. I've lost a contact.

"We're pleased to announce that your company has shrewdly traded a cow for some magic beans." some ma

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

'He's a superior breed - He always drinks thru' a straw!'

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"Walk, hell- I gotta dance."

'Gentlemen, I've been authorized to sweeten the offer.'

"In the event of an actual S.E.C. investigation, legal representation will drop from the ceiling."

'How would you feel about working in a small pond?'

'We earn extra money by renting out your office at night.'

"Go ahead. Press one for more options."

'But you know I don't have brand loyalty for anyone but you!'

"I don't know what else we can do. He won't look up from the screen!"