Quirk T-Shirts

'Ask about our daily sermon by fax plan.'

'RUN FOR COVER!!!!! It's another one of those 'Baby Showers'!!!

Great British Eccentrics.

Ralph spent his Sundays in the park gathering nuts.

Best before 65 million BC.

How to Deal With Leftover Turkey

Mystery Solved - Boxers or Briefs, 'Thanks but you could have just told me.'

"Our bond is stronger because we chose each other."

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

"The man who invented autocorrect died from the corona vibrator."

"The 'Sing Only in the Shower' Community Chorus"

Freaks of nature exhibit.

Doctor to patient: 'While I'm back here, let's try a little something I learned when I was a ventriloquist.'

"It's no good, Bertie—we must either find some other place to meet or break off the affair altogether."

"Personally, I of course loved Uncle Clarence, but Mr. Quibbles wants to say a few things."

'Oh, I don't have a problem, doc. My friend here has a problem.'

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

Dick's hobby of collecting manhole covers kept him out of trouble... except of the hernias.

Horny Nanny Seeks Lonely Goat Herd.

Customer to skin artist: 'Can I just get a tattoo of a body piercing?'

Real Estate Personals

It's a good thing our neighbors don't know what weirdos we are.

Love is...ignoring his farts.

"I've heard a lot about you - all nutty, of course."

'If it walks like a duck, quacks like a duck, looks like a duck, it' actually a gene-modified flounder.'

'Well, you make it sound silly. All my new hybriproducts are unique and useful.'

"When you sit down, you get a shock. Open a book, you get a shock. Write something, another shock. It's a typical psychology class."

"I'll kill you if you crack your knuckles again."

"You had too many characters in your last tweet."

What's Their Secret?

Pam collected ceramic pigs. Just one so far, but even that seemed like too many.

The not so secret life of Walter Mitty

"I'll stop saying 'irregardless' if you'll stop staying 'at this point in time.'"

'According to your resume, you have unusual organizational techniques.'

"Just even it out."