Quippy Cook T-Shirts

Access Denied!

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

Backfire

"Everything tastes better when it's cooked on the grill."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

Bangers and Mash

'I think I'll go home and eat'

"The meatloaf just tapped S.O.S. in Morse code."

'I know! It's what I had last night for dinner.'

GMOs: The Next Generation

'We call it the 'Tomato Surprise' because the chef tinkered with the DNA a little.'

'I'm not taking that money to buy drugs. I'm taking it to pay bribes if I'm caught with my drugs.'

Stupid Microwave

"All our vegetables are organic, ethically sourced and stunned before being boiled."

Amy Sedaris

Kentucky Fried Horse

'Can I have a Banana-Split' without the ice-cream?'

"So, I went into this fancy new butcher shop and they were selling ostrich of all things!"

'My dentist recommended it.'

"Hi, Honey. For dinner we're having Shis Kabob."

"Tastes great, less killing!"

'I'll have one regular cheese-burger from column 'A', and one negative-calories cheese-burger from column 'B'.'

"Is it me, or would a dung beetle taste really good right now?"

"It's a combination of pizza and sushi and taco and egg roll and...it's just something everyone loves."

'I don't eat red meat. That's ok, this is gone green.'

'Today's special is yesterday's left-overs.'

Chef: 'Howz that Octopus coming along Jeff?'

'White beetroot?' 'I bleached them.'

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

"It's something I made myself - chocolate covered veggies."

Artichoking victim

Waiter indicates cutlery for diner's tiny meal, saying: 'The one on the right is your mangnifying glass, sir.'

The Criminally Insane Gourmet.

Early bird special - Grilled Pterodactyl.

"That's a toaster. It's a tanning bed for bread."