Quick Fix Seekers Pillows

"Both parents work. Neither likes to cook."

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

Introducing... The Everything Else Morning-After Pill!

"See this area right here, honey? This is why we need to find someone who knows what they're doing."

"Can you hypnotise me into being in shape?"

"Fido's determined to find that bone."

His verbal skills are developing, but his motor skills are very advanced. (Originally published on 2009-02-01).

System failure - calling for sysadmin...

"Shall I kiss it better?"

'Our new multi-syringe will take care of all your allergies in one fell swoop.'

"Kick the machine"

"With the wearing of this mystic talisman, you will never be plagued by any of the minor ailments usually handled by over-the-counter drugs!"

'Excellent meeting. I loved the quick fixes, the simple solutions, and the easy answers.'

"What we really need is a long term quick fix."

'Diet? Exercise... can't you just operate?'

'Look, Doctor. I just want him cured. I'm not interested in what's wrong with him, so skip the lab work."

"We'll get that infected tear duct fixed up in no time."

"So a plumber charges $600 for 45 minutes' work?! Is that the coolest job or what?!"

"Let's be a DO tank!"

Acme Tummy Flattening Kit

"On the phone you mentioned that you were interested in one of our 'quickie-escape' packages."

"Did you call someone to come test for margarine residue in the refrigerator?"

Ed uses comb-overs on his bald spots.

'...the new Turbo Man Thirty Five Hundred.'

In 'n out lung transplant.

"Duct tape..."

'I see you tried to fix it yourself.'

'Looking for a quickie sir?'

Man pulls on cord which leads to 'Instant Gratification'.

"Tia Carmen, can you fix my curtains? I ripped 'em by accident."

Liposuction Drive Thru

"Hurry up, MacDonalds can make a shake in 5 seconds"

"I only need two tools: WD-40 if something doesn't move that should, and duct tape if something moves that shouldn't!"

Gracie tries and fails to sleep on Christmas Eve.

The post-holiday blues are dangerous to your mental health. Bleak weather, bills, too much family