Quick Eater T-Shirts

Yes, I know it's only been three hours - I'm a fast faster!

'The second diet of my diet is always the easiest. By then, I'm off my diet.'

Fast Food Menu Selections

Back in 5 minutes!

"I'm very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians"

Shopper in grocery store sees TV dinners marked daytime and prime time.

You are what you eat (Nuts).

"Fridge-to-table"

Well, O.K., so you found fast food, but what's the hurry?

Microwave. Do you have any idea of the time pressure I'm under?

"Yoga has helped me appreciate the healing power of donuts."

'You're pushing food round your plate.' 'No, it's moving on its own.'

Is it too late to substitute a bee in my coffee for a fly in my soup?

"The chef will accommodate gluten-free requests, but only with a note from your doctor."

"Do you have anything on the menu without maple syrup on it?"

"It's just like the regular stew only it's got some bits of matter in it we can't identify."

"Sorry no half portions - at least that's the quantum theory."

Overzealous health inspectors.

'My husband eats like a bird - Do you have regurgitated insects?'

"Mom says I should eat differnt colored foods. I'll have a pizza with jelly beans."

Eat 'n' Pay 'n' Get Out Restaurant

Schoolgirl in canteen: 'The food's great but I wish they'd stop calling it 'pukka tukka'.'

Restaurant: Come & Get It! Bland Cuisine - 'Just plain food, good, but nothing fancy.'

"There are 12,000 species of ants... and you prefer worms?"

"Your steak's prepared in the firebox of a 17th century tank engine - unfortunately sir, the chef can't confirm if it has 0-60T wheel arrangement or not."

"I'm going across the street for a sandwich and coffee. Can I get you something?"

'You dunk your donuts your way...'

'What have you got?'

"I'll have the pork in cider...easy on the pork"

'Maybe we should have read the reviews first?'

"No more ice cream cakes."

Real Fast Food.

"Me, I eat mostly roadkill: it saves me countess hours of hunting and stalking and leaves me time to concentrate on my art. . ."

'What do you mean, you're not hungry? - Your mother spent two minutes cooking that in the microwave just for you!'

'Mushy peas? And would you like your cod and chips likewise, sir?