Questioner Of Life Mugs

'Funny you should ask...'

I've been teaching art history for decades. Students today ask new kinds of questions. No, I doubt a gluten-free menu option was available that evening. Nope, the artist was not making a statement about climate change. No, despite the umbrellas, this is not about sun exposure safety. Well, yes, I suppose you can say it's a selfie.

"Actually, I'm still on life support. I just came by to do a feasibility study."

"Call me?"

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

"Talking to your own reflection? Even your imagination is pathetic."

"But what if this is all there is?"

"I sold my soul for about a tenth of what the damn things are going for now."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

"Daddy, why do people pull round pizza from square boxes and cut them into triangles before they eat them?"

'If it 'tells' the time, why do I have to look at it?'

"Death coach..."

Ostrich Curoisities

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

'But why do you want to transmute asparagus into cotton?'

"After spending thirty years creating models of early universe formation, I began to suspect that my work didn't make a shred of difference."

"How do I know God is not real? For the same reason I know people on TV can't see me."

" It was a jungle out there, but I quite liked it."

Lost and Profound.

"I'm starting to prefer the ones who don't believe in me."

"I took the road less travelled just to avoid the potholes."

"I once experienced childlike wonder. . . but it was just my anti-depressants kicking in."

What's the antidote for wheat germ?

Bartender: 'Bad day, huh?' Man: 'I'll say. My vindictive ex-wife just won sole custody of my inner child.'

Religion, This End Up

'Isn't it about time to turn over a new leaf...?'

"OK, so you've told us what God thinks... but now I'd like to know what YOU think!"

'Dad, tell me again what life's about.'

"You know, Mother, they say dead is the new 80."

'I'm trying to become enlightened, but my stomach keeps growling and interrupting me!'

'I don't think therefore I'm not.'

"I'm at the age where work is a lot less fun, and fun is a lot more work."

"Be patient! Weather and homeland are not chosen."