Queer Comedy Fan Gifts

"Pansexual"

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

Zombie standup

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

Unable to raise enough money for a trip to Paris, the Bartlesville High French Club had to settle for three days in Tulsa.

"Why do they do that?"

"Let's just say I have a pre-existing condition."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"When is my next parole hearing?"

"A retired superhero's re-purposed utility belt"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

Giraffe Umbrella

Help! I'm ROFL and ICGU!

Bad fake tan day.

Old navy veteran 3rd base coach

Summer 2000: Children stumble upon the remains of Linda Tripp's old head.

If time travel was invented in 1600 in England. I'm a fan of the bard. Let's see if he wants to take a journey through time. Globe Theater. Sounds fun! Let's go to 2020. It's a nice round number. Zazzz! Poof! That's weird. How did they know he was coming? And why does he need to leave this place? Apparently you can't be here, William. The sign says "No Shakespeare in the park this summer."

"Oh, God, no, please, no, God, no..."

"Okay, you both know the rules: no trash talk, no batting the other guy all over the house if he’s unconscious, watch the claws and nails..."

The Rooster Comedian.

Baby knocks old lady out with pram toy.

Vlad the Impala

A Fairytale Update

'Oh, Arthur...You sweet, blind, mad, dear, silly fool....Don't you see it could never last?'

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

"That's it lads, 364 days annual leave...what would we have done without our union!"

'He who laughs last probably doesn't get it.'

'We have a beautiful relationship. Why spoil it with a hug?'

'I got 100 in school today. 50 in history and 50 in maths.'

What nationality were your parents? North or south Poles?

"First date hairball... awkward."

Caddie brings his golfer a shovel in the sand trap.

"Lordy, I am such a klutz!"

'Sometimes, laughter is the best medicine.'