Quarterly Strategist Pillows

"I think it's nice the way we divide the pain in to four equal parts."

"So, we look to the fourth quarter as a time of healing."

'The prevailing wisdom is that markets are always right. I think that luck is always right.'

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

"I hate performance review season."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

'Investment charts can be complicated, son, but that usually means, 'bonuses'.'

"I've just barbecued my head again."

"Who wants to hear a funny story about the third quarter?"

'The good news is, we did as well as expected last quarter. The bad news is, we didn't expect to do too well.'

"Whereas we used to display losses in shocking and offensive red, we now display them in warm and comforting toasted almond."

"It's time to retire the word 'profit'."

"Perhaps this slide whistle can better illustrate what this graph is telling us."

Investments - Founders Bear and Bull.

'When investment bankers give parental advice'

"Really! How many 'How to Survive the Festive Season' articles does one man need?"

"Ed and Helen's portfolio rose 3 point today on Dave's purchase of 100 shares..."

Soaring Profits

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

Fiscal Compass for the Global Investor.

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

The Decline of Europe

How did you get your parents to send you to Costa Rica this summer, Ingrid? By almost flunking Spanish. That's dire. Hardly! I'll party and practice my accent. Next year�remind me to bring my French grade down. Si!

'All in favor of just laughing it off, say ha, ha, ha.'

'I'll just put them here until the danger of frost passes - probably next April'

Business school graduate trying to climb to the top of the world

'Personally - I'm against a four-day school week - I'm for a three-day school week. . .'

Fries and kids

Sales Chart Through Ceiling

Standard And P****d.

"If you really must know, Junior, yes, you were a market correction."

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

It's 10PM. Do you know who is in control of Pakistan's nukes?

'We were in the right place at the right time but, unfortunately, we were in the wrong time zone.'

"Well you said you wanted a simple, cheap solution!" (IT Solutions).