Quality Management Pillows

"To be honest, the hardest part was the ISO certification."

"We only got up to three 'whys' and a 'what the hell'."

Since his black belt certification in Process Improvement, Henry's presentations had become unbearable.

Quality Control

'A problem with the Phase II trials. Everyone - all the people - was given the placebo, and no one got the drug.'

Quality Control

"We're developing a plan to fix this."

'Okay, the motorized rocking chair could use an emergency off switch.'

"Office of quality assurance"

'Our only option is to improve quality or hire more lawyers.'

Party ville Trick Birthday Candles: Quality Control Department.,

'Due to budget cutbacks we are combining our annual employee dinner with The Seven Basic Quality Control Tools Training.'

"We're having a lot of trouble with this model, sir - it's lasting indefinitely."

Satis Factory Tour

'This tuna is being recalled. It contains seahorse.'

"It says it's the vodka that's distilled twenty-nine times - they just can't seem to get it right."

Complaints clerk to consumer: A hair in your TV dinner? Maybe it belongs to a celebrity!

"It floated. I want my money back."

"Could you spare a few minutes to give some feedback on your death experience?"

ACME Condiments Quality Control. The boss wants to know if you're going to pass the ketchup.

"Well TECHNICALLY he might be DEAD, but accordinh to the hospital's new patient satisfaction metrics he's pretty damned pleased about it."

"And here is the quality control department for our deviled eggs."

Impartial Testing: "Eeny, meeny, money, moe..."

Quality Contorl.

Doll line: Quality Control - Too Creepy.

'Don't worry. Big Al will take care of it.'

'They're doing their tests now?

Benchmark

'The scary part is, he's in charge of quality control.'

Agricultural Testing Station: 'Over 3 Billion Compounds Tested.'

"...and into each box, we now put a tiny amount of antidote to counteract all the additives."

'Apparently it's not enough to say that 'lots of people think we do a jolly good job' anymore.'

Harry Potter toy manufacturer.

No one liked working the red-eye shift.

Some line managers like to use graphs in performance management meetings.