Qualitative Inquiry Enthusiast Mugs

The client would prefer fewer open-ended questions,

I hope a starting salary of 80 and a severance of 12 is acceptable....

"And finally, I'd like to take any questions from the floor."

Do you have any other skills?

'And I see you've listed opposable thumbs as your greatest asset...'

'Don't start timing me yet! This staple won't come out!'

I understand that our cat Magus died. I miss her a lot. But I wish my parents wouldn't tiptoe around it. House of Java.net Cybercafe. You don't have to watch Youtube clips of CSI: Miami to understand that death is a part of life. The thing I don't understand about our cat's death is, who would've killed her and left a mountain of unresolved clues that only a crack forensics team can figure out? Where were you at 8:45 p.m.? The Youtube Generation grows up fast.

"I'm looking for a 'yes man' who can say 'no' without sounding negative"

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

Admissions test for the Danbury Institute of Philosophy

And I like to call this my 'dance of the enhanced PEP at alternative firms'.

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

"So, you want to work at our firm, Eh?"

Help wanted. Various positions available.

'The position carries no salary, just healthcare coverage.'

"I see you have a lot of experience in re-tail. . ."

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'He will observe your text now...'

"Again, you may exercise your right to remain silent, but it's going to work against you since this is a job interview."

'I'm now going to open the floor to questions.'

'You don't want the job, do you?'

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

'Have you got a resume?'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

"Where do you see yourself five lives from now?"

Don't use live interviews as rehearsals-practise and prepare.

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

I think you should go after my job!

'What makes you think you know so much?' - 'Your questions.'

Multi-Species Employment Agency. Did you hire the octopus for that job opening? Yeah, but I did interview other applicants. The frog was a strong candidate ... I'm flexible on location -- I'm an amphibian! The whale seemed to be hiding something. The gap in my resume? Uh ... I was beached for a while. And the pig wasn't smart. I see "USDA Approved" on your resume --- I don't think you understand what that means. The octopus got the job because he was a great multitasker!

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

"You're the type who'll make me prove every claim I make."

"So you wouldn't be interrupted while interviewing me, I took the liberty of calling in a bomb threat."

'I'm quite impressed with your bloodthirstiness but we won't be able to offer you health benefits eternally.'