Puritanical Philosopher Gifts

"Tia Carmen, what can you tell me about the birds and the bees?"

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

"To be honest, I don't believe in ghosts."

He avoids wrath, envy, lust, greed, gluttony and sloth -- the problem is he's proud of it!

Drive-thru Church

The Church of DanaeDanaeism: 'And let such sacrilege go uncontested? Never! I demand equal time for alternate explanations of things.'

What if Huckabee Were a Fundamentalist Hindu?

'When you pray, does God have call waiting?'

"Are you sure it's okay for cardinals to live at a Protestant church?"

'I wonder if there's a message up there somewhere.'

'I respond to stimuli, therefore I ham.'

Yogi back in 5.

Moses Separates the Cream. . .

Life is simpler in the sticks.

The Guru is away to negotiate movie rights for his best-selling book, 'Money Won't Make You Happy'."

"I would cite you to the Apostle Paul and his lear and wise command in Romans 13, to obey the laws of the government because God has ordained the government for his purposes."

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

Religion, This End Up

"They're on a silent retreat."

Put it in writing!

"Do you have any why-to books?"

Yahweh/Your Way

Catholic-Protestant Debates....

'I don't understand. I haven't done anything to encourage them...'

'You don't want to show favouritism Bruce-it upsets the others.'

Can we see our way clear to doing something about air pollution?

Ok, who keeps shouting, "Throw him in the river and see if he floats"?

"The Lord has heard your prayers and has sent me to say unto you, shut up about it already."

"The end of my patience is near!"

'Death in the 'life' section of library'

Exercise and diet at the same time - open and close your refrigerator door 100 times.

Stephane Mallarme

The hardest instrument to play second fiddle.

"Far out Nigel, I know you're a purist, but at some point, you'll need to switch to e-books like the rest of us..."

'Bloody warmongers!'