Puppy Oracle T-Shirts

"You are going to have lots of puppies."

"I want him to have the serenity to accept the things he can't pee on, the patience to pee on the things he can outside, and the wisdom to know the difference." "But I'll probably just take him to a trainer."

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

Wikipedia...

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

Balloon dog training

The Authentic Christmas.

Power/Expenditures

Hipster Police Department

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

'Guide us, oh Webmaster.'

"The Great Source keeps afloat, along with a little help from the sharks there."

"I can only tell you what's in your future - it's up to you to chase it."

"Talking's ok but to me walking on your hind legs is simply taking anthropomorphism a bit too far."

'An expert is one who knows tomorrow why the things he said yesterday didn't happen today.'

"I'm looling for ground beef that's organic, non-GMO, and doesn't contain meat."

'What's the odds on Cheltenham going ahead?'

"Trust me, catching it isn't that satisfying."

Books for dogs dealing with life issues.

"Why do you want to invest in oil futures?"

You read the instructions upside down.

"Baldo, being a newspaper critic isn't all about being negative. You have to find positive things to say too."

"It's asking for your password."

Medium Fries and a Drink

'Looks like the income off of our site has went from passive to comatose.'

The Death Fires (The Rime of the Ancient Mariner).

'The views expressed are not necessarily those of management. Although it's obvious my cameraman couldn't agree more.'

'I'm teaching him to give me a doggie treat whenever I lay real still.'

"I don't know who my audience is."

"Oh, she hears the bark, but all the nuance goes right over her head."

"I gotta get another hobby."

"Stay with me. I just want to cross-check your fortune with a quick Google search."

"Why don't you see a good dermatologist?"