Beef Oracle T-Shirts

A cow goes to the Fortune Teller - 'I can see two all beef patties, special sauce, lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, on a sesame seed bun...!'

Cow's Last Will and Testament.

One Man's Meat is Another Man's Poetry

'Don't order the Super Duper Jumbo Special.'

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

'Oh, no - I have to read each tentacle - that'll be extra, of course.'

"My smelly French cheese is much better than your Canadian beef."

Eat Beef

'Sure, we pay them for protection but there are unexpected bonuses: nobody can tenderise veel like Luigi or slice beef as fine as Vinny.'

"You are going to have lots of puppies."

Power/Expenditures

'The only certainties in life are birth, death, taxes, and stock market uncertainty.'

The Authentic Christmas.

'Beef Counselor - mad cow, foot and mouth, diet, nutrition, ethics'

The End of the Property Boom is Nigh.

'Yes. No. Sometimes. No. No. Yes. Don't know. Sometimes. Yes. Mo.'

Hipster Police Department

"Apparently, giving up wearing fur wasn't enough!"

"Too much to drink, a tattoo parlor, a dare and..."

"The Great Source keeps afloat, along with a little help from the sharks there."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Man painting a cow

Cattle barons for world domination.

"Is that what you're wearing?"

"I reckon we've never met, but maybe you recognize my brother from last year's cattle drive!"

Cattle Crossing: Choice and Prime.

'Looks like the gods are angry.'

'An expert is one who knows tomorrow why the things he said yesterday didn't happen today.'

'Yeah, I know, but let's face it - we're delicious!'

"I'm looling for ground beef that's organic, non-GMO, and doesn't contain meat."

"The abattoir hasn't any butchers so you'll have to help yourself a bit more than usual."

"Rats! It's already tenderized."

Where Rump Roast Comes From.

Create Your Own Burger.

"The working conditions don't bother me half so much as the retirement plan."

They call me the Groundhog of Love. Romantically speaking, I can bring you an early spring. But if you see my shadow, you can expect six weeks of stalking.