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The Hazards of Dog Leashes

"As I see it, the issue with dog-walking services is that the pace is dictated by whoever is slowest..."

The Baby Walker

"His real name is Major, but everyone call him GET DOWN!"

"Mom, can you come get me?"

'Technically, he's on a leash, so I say we let this one go.'

"It's exhausting trying to keep him from throwing away perfectly good sticks."

'There! Now he's tied to my satisfaction and ready for surgery!'

"The 'Queer Eye' people came by - but they fled."

'Don't worry. I'm using carpet shampoo.'

Cop gives ASBO to cockerel: 'This of this as a cock-a-doodle-don't.'

"I'm sixty three in human years and the mother of octuplets. Again."

The First Day Back

A child and his dog

'I took her to register in kindergarten, and they wanted a damage deposit.'

'That beagle sure is a tough case!'

Nanny with children on leash

'You can always tell the pediatricians.'

'Let's go, Denmore. The free-range chickens are stampeding towards the canyon.'

"My dog always knows when it's about to rain."

'We are considering a nursery expansion.'

'Bulls and bears are my yin and yang.'

'Fresh eggs!'

A kangaroo mother with a joey in her main pouch and a juice box in a separate smaller pouch.

"Are you sure they don't include children?"

"He's a rescue."

"I work out of my house filled with kids and pets. My hobby is trying to keep sane."

Show Jumping Tantrums

Naughty Puppy Dog.

'I can grant you 3 wishes as long as none of them are about getting up on the furniture.'

"How may times do I have to tell you to flush? Gosh, will I ever get you potty trained?!"

"I'v got this center-of-the-universe gig."

Coping during the 6 weeks school holidays.

"I'm running late for totally dignified reasons."

'You gotta learn to talk, Jeffrey - it's part of the aging process.'