Pup Portal Ponderer Pillows

'Maybe we should rethink this new dog door.'

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

Wally Begins research for his thesis entitled "who's a good dog?"

'Or we could just ask her what kind of dog it is.'

'Big sale at the Dog Store. Buy 1, get 2 free.'

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

Next Time-Portal 5 Miles...

"Actually, it wasn't so bad. One minute I was standing in line at the slaughterhouse...The next thing I knew, I was being basted in my own juices..."

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

"I'm not a mad dog. But I'm not particularly happy either."

"So you found an enormous truffle and still you weren't happy."

"You've got to understand, in my family Dad was the poodle and Mom was the pit bull."

'When they start calling you a splendid bird, you know you're in trouble.'

'Well, it's kind of an IV enema!'

"It looks as if Bodecker's project has gotten completely out of hand."

"Yes, there will be questions but you're unquestionably the nation's most badass mom."

"Turned out he wasn't a miniature."

Fish Food

"Who's next?"

'I don't care if top breeders do recommend it - I am not going to eat dog food!'

'We're going on a little vacation, and we were wondering if you folks would mind taking care of Spot.'

"Obviously, somebody screwed up somewhere."

'Journey of self-discovery' Dog realizes he can make his leg move when he scratches.

This could be interesting...

He's at that confusing stage between chasing his own tail or the mail carrier's.

Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

Ken wandered home wondering what the lunar new year would bring. . . like every other man and his dog.

Square root of chicken is egg.

'I bark, therefore I am.'

"Is it too late to get a puppy?"

"We're not so different, you and I."

'Milton, you really did make it to the other side!'

'Come on girls, can you at least pretend I rule the roost when the farmer is around...'

Wow! — this discredits all my theories.

"Well, this is getting us exactly nowhere."