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'Every crowd has a silver lining!'

'Roget it's fantastic, superb, extraordinary...where on earth did you get the idea?'

''The consent of the governed'? -- that could be a deal-breaker.'

'I don't think we're devoted to the Lord. I think we're devoted to dessert.'

'It's a treasure map.'

"We'll just have the loaves and fishes. . ."

"Sorry, I can't - I have to be everywhere."

"Last chance — where’s the wet food?"

Jerry had a difficult time coming up with cartoon ideas over the noise his dogs made. '...so then the cat says, 'No, thanks. I'll clean it myself.' 'Ha,ha! Yeah, that's a good one,Phil!'

"Is that one of those brandy dogs?"

"It's obvious Jesus accepts everyone. His disciples were fishermen, and we know what kind of lies we tell."

"I can't help the fact he's fallen in love with the barmaids poodle."

Headstone in bird cage, "We really loved our budgie.."

Village Pet Shop.

Who's Not Who.

The less celebrated, but still spectacular, combover eagle.

Magritte Man with Xmas pudding instead of apple.

"The circus was good but as 'Jo Jo, the dogged faced attorney', I'm making a killing."

'Do you think it takes 10p?'

'Hey, Lady. . . that looks like a laptop to me. . . youze is obviously a P2P gangster. . . get in the trunk and lets go fors a little ride.'

"O.K., now can you make like a million little tiny ones?"

'The man at the shelter promised he doesn't bark at all.'

"And a bag of peanuts."

"They claim they're being used as pawns and are filing a lawsuit."

Knight Of The Garter

"Any volunteers to sell their souls to Satan?"

William felt out of place in the dog obedience school.

'I revel in competition. I have two charities, right now, vying for my $50 donation.'

'The service is over, Ed. You have to wake them up.'

Teacher to students: 'A penny for your thoughts, but only if you're here on scholarship.'

I'll stop acting like I have a stick up my butt when I don't, in fact, have a stick up my butt.

A beginner's guide to being a sociopath

'Greg, if your cell phone was set to vibrate, I think I've located it.'

"I think that's where he's coming from, mate."

'Landline go!'