Punchline Rancher Prints

"I broke him, but now he wants to pursue a career in standup."

Snowprov

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

'DO you know what time we start here?'

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

"Smite him, my son!"

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

Chicken: the one-man show

'That was Mr.Osgood, sir. He's just made his final payment.'

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

Comedy Rule

"It's easy to test yourself. Go to sleep at night and if you wake up alive the next morning, you didn't die of Corona overnight."

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

'Wow...This could be the beginning of a fantastic career...A sales coach is waiting for you. He wants to hire you as a bad example.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

'Don't get up until nine.' - 'What time is it now?'

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

"Your early stuff was funnier."

"...And I don't want any resentments just because someone hits below the belt..."

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

"Please tell the king I've remembered the punchline."

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

Bucky's dream of becoming a stand-up comedian ended abruptly the very first time he stepped into the spotlight.

'You had a lunch date, but I cancelled it because it was your turn to pay.'

"That wasn't very funny!"