Punchline Fan Prints

"Someone throw him a punchline!"

Snowprov

'And when did you have your last owl movement?'

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

"That's actually my phone. When I answer my calls I get a little bit of a workout."

'This New Year you will be bathed in a sea of cash!...Hand on...Sorry. This New Year you will need a flea bath for some sort of rash.'

"I'm an ass is half-full kind of donkey."

'DO you know what time we start here?'

"I see you naked. A beautiful young woman is leaning over you... Oh, hang on. She's performing your autopsy."

Minutes Later The Course Of Comedy Would Be Changed Forever.

"That's two tossed salads, one egg drop soup, and one pulled pork."

I think it's time to retire from boxing. I'm too old for life in the fist lane.

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

"Smite him, my son!"

'That was Mr.Osgood, sir. He's just made his final payment.'

Chicken: the one-man show

"It's easy to test yourself. Go to sleep at night and if you wake up alive the next morning, you didn't die of Corona overnight."

Phill Jupitus

"Just be happy you're getting in, worry about your hair later."

Comedy Rule

"Seriously, the way you rasied me it's no wonder I can't get a gig in a real night club."

"Hey Ref - any chance you can get those buzzards to quit circling over my fighter?"

'Wow...This could be the beginning of a fantastic career...A sales coach is waiting for you. He wants to hire you as a bad example.'

'You're trying to find yourself? -- No offense, but if I were you, I'd look for somebody ELSE.'

"Please tell the king I've remembered the punchline."

"Your early stuff was funnier."

Have you been living in the moment, Al? Living in the moment? I thought you said I should be living it up in the moment! Frankly, the hangovers are killing me!

The Double Double Punch

"...And I don't want any resentments just because someone hits below the belt..."

My birthday suit is out of fashion.

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

'Sorry, your resume isn't funny enough.'

'Don't get up until nine.' - 'What time is it now?'

'But your advert said, Fantastic view.' - 'She's out right now.'

Bucky's dream of becoming a stand-up comedian ended abruptly the very first time he stepped into the spotlight.