Pun Masters T-Shirts

Waiting for inspiration to strike, Bob settles for a spare.

"Penny's still having issues grasping 'icing the puck,' but she nailed 'offsides' and 'too many men' today!"

"There'll be no trespassin' where you're goin', Trespassing Tommy!"

I can't decide if I want my blog to be G-rated or X-rated. On the one hand, "blog" is just a four-letter word. But on the other hand, cleanliness is next to blogginess. ?

Writers strike.

"There are essentially four basic forms for a joke."

"This is a letter from your teacher. Are you seriously eating your own homework?"

'True, you've been assigned a nobody lawyer but you're a nobody criminal!'

"In 1,000 feet, you're still lost."

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

"Yes. I said 2 by 2, but you needed to use 2 by 4s for the Ark...begin again."

"Ironically, this is the living room."

"Staff support"

Copycats

Zombie standup

"Talk nerdy to me."

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"We have three house blends: 'One More Chance', 'Forget About It' or 'I'll See You In Fun Court'."

'The history of Glue. It's impossible to put down.'

I will study my speling words...

Guy at drink stand says to Medium: 'Medium?'

baby sweetcorn...

'You've got bats alright...now we'll just have to determine what kind.'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

Wolf Danny With "Random""The work must be tantamount to mayhem. Making an insatiable public confused, indifferent, annoyed—this is the premise on which rests my deliberately vacuous oeuvre."

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"Monsieur, si vous plaît. I'm sure I ordered the fusilli and not the Fusilier."

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

Zoology Class. Test Today. What did you get for the question about Fuzzy Wuzzy?

'Have you tried pulling the udders?'

'The plumber said he can't come right now, but promised to put us on his 'wading list'. Cute, huh?'