Pulpit Ponderer Prints

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

"I'm SUPPOSED to be 'preachy'!"

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"See this jelly wobbling. It was waving goodbye."

Thou Shalt Not!

'Wait a minute! What if this isn't just a puddle?! What if it's a huge, furious hibernating snowman?'

'I know it's hard to believe. But biological speaking, they're our closest relatives.'

Darwin first tested his theory in a letter to a magazine ('Lookalike' letter points to similarity between man and ape.)

"So you found an enormous truffle and still you weren't happy."

'If only Darwin could have seen this!'

"Well, Mom, I guess you saw what happened."

Wall St Baptist: 'Life is exactly like the stock market exchange and we each have our own portfolio to manage.'

'The reports were right...he's using tools!'

"OK, now you've gone back too far."

'Today, stocks dropped on poll numbers that 60% of people expected it to drop.'

'Now that's just low-down mean.'

Mankind

'Before we begin, let's say a little prayer for humility.'

'He's saying 'Enough bananas - I'm also a carnivore'.'

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

The Origin of Species

'I think things went wrong for me in the fifth round.' 'In hindsight, was that a good time to begin meditating?'

Woman in the jungle amongst gorillas writes; 'It seems I cannot look them in the eye without prompting confrontation'. Two men in a pub - one asks the other 'What are you looking at?'

"How about a self-inflating-a-flat-tire car?"

"If God is omnipotent and wholly good, whence evil?!?"

"You have a nasty case of 'A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte' by Georges Seurat."

"Which one of us is me?"

'Eddy Penguin? I'm not sure, officer... Can you desctibe him?'

'I think he's saying, 'read my blog'.'

Little known evolutionary steps.

"So ... is the Pope Catholic?"

"These caseloads are impossible I've got TWICE the number I should I can't be in two places at once!"

John Calvin