Public Transport Punster Pillows

People with and without tickets on a train

'I wouldn't say this wine's name is long, but it's continued on the bottle next to it.'

"Whenever he shows up everything turns to crap!"

Intelligent people laugh too!

I'm allergic to parrots, so I got an aaaarrrrdvark.

Assault 'n' Vinegar

"Bad dog! I've told you to always proofread."

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"Hey, pal, let's hear 'Doggie in the Window' again, and this time play it like you mean it!"

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'I've been a nervous rex all day.'

'It's the report from the consultant. He says we should turn over the turnovers to improve turnover.'

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

"Not to brag or anything, but I'm the elephant in the room at my company."

Cake Free Zone

'Did you watch the horror movie?'

Sweep the board.

Adam names the animals (He puts sticky notes on them saying Shaz, Dave, Trish etc).

'What did I tell you? There's always a catch to those bargain internet travel fares...'

Dogs life

"Where were you between 4 and 6?"

"No chips, but I did snag the new Hiaasen."

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

Reptile Class: 'My homework ate my dog.'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'He bought a donkey because he thought he might get a kick out of it.'

"So is this war movie rated R, rated PG, or rated RPG?"

'Hi, this is Batman. You've reached the Batcave. I'm not in right now but as soon as I return I'll call you bat.'

"Ugh! They always spell my name wrong?"

"Moby Richard by Herman Melville" "Wonderful! Not sure about the title—let's discuss editor."

"You wanted the magic back in our relationship..."

Kamikaze Colour

'When I said address the ball I didn't mean like that!'

'When she walks in she lights up the room...' 'It's living next to the nuclear plant.'