Public Etiquette Advocate T-Shirts

Mobile Phones - Noise Pollution Meets Personal Space Invaders

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

'Are you finished eating yet, sweetie?...Guess that answers THAT question!'

'A burp or a fart, I can excuse, but throwing up a pellet of fur and bones? That's gross dude!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Yes, as a matter of fact, you have caught me at a bad time.'

"Hi. What kind of wine goes with fruit salad?"

"Cards to remind people that you still haven’t gotten a thank you note from them"

Illustration from an Unpublished Novel

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

'Pigs feet, sir?' 'Are they pickled?'

'Try and be pleasant dear, you don't want to alienate it.'

'The Ambassador will not be pleased, Madame.'

"Hmmm ... perhaps a pinot noir less spilly?"

Only One Item or Fewer.

'Personally I think one great improvement to these tea dances would be some tables.'

'Before we begin, please turn off all cell phones.'

'Timmy, stop being naughty: Don't sit up straight!'

'No high dives off the veranda, OK?'

"Ma'am, why don't you go ahead of me?" "Um... no thanks. Let's let this gentleman go ahead of us." "Oh, no... you ladies go right ahead!"

'He was hosting a business dinner for 300. Those were his last words.'

"That sister of yours sure has some nerve asking for those leftovers - we earned them."

If bar stools were like playground swings...

'..and if you must yawn tonight keep your mouth shut.'

'I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that's inappropriate.'

'Can you pass me the saw-dust when you're finished with it Darling?'

'I need to take this call... please mumble to yourself.'

"All rise."

"I know it's our first date and we're at this fancy restaurant and all, but would it be a red flag if I ordered the chicken fingers?"

". . . and wipe your feet before you go inside."

"I taught him to eat with a fork."

"This time when they show us their latest acquisition, we'll gush regardless."

'I'm sorry, he likes to let off wind after dinner.'

"I will have the riesling, and a thimble of your best pinot noir for the little lady."