Psychic Predictions Ponderer T-Shirts

"It's empty back there, skipper, a large group of clairvoyants cancelled at the last minute."

"Why bother?"

"Needs to get a life"

'Doctor, I don't want to eat mouseburgers, I want to be normal like everybody else.'

"You're solemates!"

"It will be all your fault."

The Male Atom: Sex, Sport, War and Good Intentions.

"I advised a patient to take responsibilty for his own actions, and now he is suing me!"

"When will I be old enough to have an inner child?"

'What do lawyers really want, Mr. Montague?'

YOU HAVE A VERY LARGE GENIUS GRANT LINE.

"I see you, I see a vet, you're sore for weeks afterwards."

Max Weber

"I've been studying reverse psychology at Tonga Tech Online University."

"I'll have dessert first."

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

'I say we try it.'

"Of course it's only prediction, we can't guarantee anything."

'Before we begin, let me see what my fortune cookie says.'

"To listen to your instincts, press one."

Telling Self to Buzz Off

Psychiatry ward with 'Inhibited' and 'Outgoing' trays.

That's no big deal, a lot of people get Siskel and Ebert mixed up

Fortune teller sees impending doom

"I don't know why I'm here - I don't need a haircut."

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

'Please don't read anything into the fact that I'm wearing loafers. I assure you I'm a very energetic worker.'

'He's always looking for an argument!'

I see

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

'Well, that brings us up to my third birthday...'

Yeah, I woke up as a roach because I was so full of existential dread – Why did you wake up as a dung beetle?

"I'm afraid your wife gets to say 'I told you so.'"

What brings you to therapy, Rudy? Dr. Noodle. I've been feeling like my whole life is on pause. And I can't find the remote to unpause it. Meanwhile, everyone else's stories are proceeding apace. They're all into the second act already. They've all had plot twists, and hero's journeys, and epic love scenes, and thrilling reversals of fortune ... Meanwhile, I'm still paused on the opening credits because no remote. Why don't you get up off the couch and unpause it manually? You can do that?