Psychiatrists Pillows

"I'm right there in the room, and no one even acknowledges me."

'I'm an honest person but when I take an online survey, I'm a big liar.'

"It feels like people are always trying to avoid me."

"When did you start thinking there might be something wrong with you?" "When you told me!"

An obsession with drugs,delusions of power,paranoid tendencies...still enough about me what can I do for you?

'So how long have you had teenage children?'

'I have excellence fatigue.'

I'll bark, and you bark the first thing that comes to mine.'

'I get better results with a live elephant and an invisible fence.'

Pink Freud

'I'm being denied access to the Warren Buffett within me.'

'I don't feel like there is anything to sing about.'

"You have the right to remain silent – but, it would be helpful to know what you think."

"Look! A dying brain cell! Maybe we should help!...."

'And how old were you when your mother first called you a scaredy cat.'

'The voices in my head are saying that you're overcharging me.'

'I think I need a new psychiatrist. The one I have now gave me a mood ring to monitor my progress.'

'Not only will it help him concentrate, but recent studies have shown that students who take Ritalin are 40 less likely to do drugs.'

'Ignore me, it's just my nut allergy.'

Side Effects

I wish you wouldn't use the cuckoo clock to mark the time our session is over.

"Freud doesn't work for you, so I', going to try some Dr. Anthony Fauci..."

Santa's chimney climbing is a fixation with mothers womb

"My congressman is corrupt....who can I trust, doc?"

"Whenever I open up, I get dumped on."

'It's hypochondria-we're going to give a pretend MRI on this tanning bed.'

'I won't be coming to see you again. I've purchased a therapeutic mattress.'

'Right. Making money in the stock market isn't everything... that leaves bonds.'

Psychiatrist not listening to patients problems

Amnesiacs Convention.

'My psychiatrist told me to take up a hobby, so I became a psychiatrist.'

'It's for teenage girls.'

So, when did I realize I was a control freak, doc?…

That's the most ridiculous thing you've ever told me, Al. The hour is young, doctor.

"Have you considered laughing into the abyss?"