Psychiatrist T-Shirts

"Lassie! Get help!!"

"Well, I think you're wonderful."

"Could we up the dosage? I still have feelings."

"They moved my bowl."

"You're too self-critical."

"There are no bad dogs. Only good dogs who make bad choices."

'Whenever I walk in a room,everyone ignores me.'

"Meow."

"Well, you heard wrong. I do not collect nuts. Look, I can't get into this with you right now ? I'm with a patient."

'First of all, calm down - your allowed to be on the couch.'

"I do count my blessings, but then I end up counting those of others who have more and better blessings, and that pisses me off."

"Actually, these aren't bad times to be delusional."

Pavlov's dog eats Schrodinger's cat.

'I gotta go - we're discussing my compulsive communicatoins disorder.'

"I bark at everything. Can't go wrong that way."

This is your brain on cartoons

"And only you can hear this whistle?"

"Look, making you happy is out of the question, but I can give you a compelling narrative for your misery."

I didn't have a happy childhood, I was often misquoted.

"I really want to thank you for these great telepsychiatry sessions, doctor. The format lends itself to easing my anxiety and feelings of inadequacy around others."

"And what do you think will happen if you do get on the couch?"

Cartooning for Psychopaths.

'I've been clean for six months now.'

"Looking good!"

'I see. So what you're saying is that you woke up this morning and your woman had done left you.'

'In the interest of full disclosure, I should inform you that I define an hour as 40 minutes.'

"Have you tried taking long walks?"

The Seven Dwarfs After Therapy

'The tune in my head keeps interfering with the song in my heart.'

"Pillows for sleeping on are downstairs. These are all for screaming into."

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

"You're doing a great job as a corporate psychiatrist, but would you please keep your hands off the workaholics."

Prescription Air Fresheners

"First off, you're not a nut. You're a legume."

"Never mind how other see you, how do you see yourself?"