Pruning Pillows

"Well, that's created a little order in a world of chaos."

Using plant pots to reach inaccessible object

Gardener clipping topiary stairs

Three Circles of Gardener's Hell.

Secateurs/Non-Secateurs.

Trimming the hedge.

"We have a new line of designer hedge funds...the Topiary Group."

"We can do this the easy way, or we can do this the hard way."

'So aunt Lois I hear you've developed quite a green thumb.'

"I'm just doing a spot of pruning in the garden."

Ventriloquism.

'You've got the wrong end of the stick again. The problem is this end. '

This is NOT 'nipping out'.

unprunin

"I groom all day and still look like a baboon."

Men find this shampoo irresistible. It's called 'Gee, Your Hair Smells Like A New Car'.

'Something for the weekend, Sir?'

Braiding a Horse's Tail

"Oh, stop it. You are not at all obtuse." Complimentary angles make the other angles feel good about themselves.

Lady drying hair whilst on exercise bike.

"Renk just discovered beard oil."

Use the body brush vigorously - he will enjoy it.

"You're such a good listener."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

'You can't be serious! They wash you by dipping you in a tub of water! That's horrible!'

Lesser known greek gods,

"Oh, yeah, that's the spot... just stay there... hurt so good... a little harder—yes! You are my hero, no kidding, I freaking love y-oooh..."

Bathing the dog

"Absolutely not!"

"Be creative...!"

Emergency Hipster Beard

"Privates Beach"

Owner Looks Like Poodle.

"Too much concealer?"