Protocol Officer Pillows

Tape-to-go: Suppliers of red tape

'I'm your new protocol officer.'

Mister Pickle

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

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'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

Deskboxes: 'LATE' and 'NEVER'.

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

'Small favor, Elizabeth - before we enter the throne room, drop back ten paces.'

"I've added an additional response to the doc's health questionnaire. It's called 'Mind Your Own Business.'"

"It drives me MAD when people act as though we've nothing to do except write moronic memorandum."

You can't fool all of the people all of the time, especially with our advertising budget.

'For P.R. purposes, let's use the phrase, 'uncanny luck' rather than 'dumb luck'.'

Man from 'National Viewers and Listeners Association sits at work boxes titled; 'Switch on' and 'Switch off'.

"Remember, Katie, genius is 10% inspiration and 80% media manipulation."

'It's getting harder to tell when the news stops and the spin begins.'

"I can't remember, did you text me, call me, tweet me, email me, or just tell me about it?"

Progressive Media Outlets and The Right.

'A willingness to sacrifice yourself to bring 'peace and succor to the suffering' is all very well Mother Theresa but I don't think it makes up for your lack of knowledge of current hand sanitisation protocols.'

"I've had a tip off that someone on the team has been using email."

"Three years running 'fake news' websites? You're just what we're looking for!"

Don't look know, but I think you're being Googled.

'Invasion of privacy.'

Company spokespersons statement being interpreted into plane English by a second spokesman.

"As part of our new privacy policy we stopped using hidden cameras."

'I know you had to give him a job because he's a relative, but I still think a Press Secretary should know how to read and write.'

The Propaganda Machine.

"I've come up with all the right words for our new sales strategy, now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"

Man calling Phone Privacy Centre

'We're to spend more time engaging with patients on a more compassionate 'human' level...and here are the guidelines on how to do it!'

Ministry of Soundbites: "Actually minister, it doesn't really matter what you say as long as you include a combination of the words 'choice','empowerment' and 'customer focussed'."

Information, Clarification, and Correction.

"We don't share your information with anyone. Plus, nobody listens to us anyway."