Protocol Officer Pillows

Tape-to-go: Suppliers of red tape

'I'm your new protocol officer.'

Mister Pickle

"Actually, she's just a figurehead boss. Our real CEO is an algorithm floating around somewhere in the cloud!"

This Message Has No Content

'Ted, I really wish you'd update your presentation software so we could do away with the 3-D glasses.'

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

Deskboxes: 'LATE' and 'NEVER'.

'I'm afraid I can't take you to my leader without a prior appointment.'

'Small favor, Elizabeth - before we enter the throne room, drop back ten paces.'

"I've added an additional response to the doc's health questionnaire. It's called 'Mind Your Own Business.'"

"It drives me MAD when people act as though we've nothing to do except write moronic memorandum."

You can't fool all of the people all of the time, especially with our advertising budget.

'It's getting harder to tell when the news stops and the spin begins.'

"Remember, Katie, genius is 10% inspiration and 80% media manipulation."

"Google gets thousands of requests each day to erase links. Most of them seem to go back to my website."

Man from 'National Viewers and Listeners Association sits at work boxes titled; 'Switch on' and 'Switch off'.

'For P.R. purposes, let's use the phrase, 'uncanny luck' rather than 'dumb luck'.'

Progressive Media Outlets and The Right.

'A willingness to sacrifice yourself to bring 'peace and succor to the suffering' is all very well Mother Theresa but I don't think it makes up for your lack of knowledge of current hand sanitisation protocols.'

"I've had a tip off that someone on the team has been using email."

"I can't remember, did you text me, call me, tweet me, email me, or just tell me about it?"

"Three years running 'fake news' websites? You're just what we're looking for!"

Don't look know, but I think you're being Googled.

'Invasion of privacy.'

The Calmocracy

Company spokespersons statement being interpreted into plane English by a second spokesman.

"As part of our new privacy policy we stopped using hidden cameras."

Man calling Phone Privacy Centre

'It's an email of a text that someone twittered...I think.'

'I know you had to give him a job because he's a relative, but I still think a Press Secretary should know how to read and write.'

"I've come up with all the right words for our new sales strategy, now we just need to work out what order to put them in!"

Spy Cameras

The Propaganda Machine.

'We're to spend more time engaging with patients on a more compassionate 'human' level...and here are the guidelines on how to do it!'