Prostate Ponderer T-Shirts

'Sounds like his prostate is acting up....'

"Your assumption that a one in a million chance event MUST be a miracle shows you drastically underestimate the total number of regularly occurring events."

Next Time-Portal 5 Miles...

"Today we'll examine that age old question of robot accomplishment: programming or processor?"

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

'According to the latest poll, 64% of the public don't pay any attention to polls...'

"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

Time, Temp, Today's Neutrino Mass

"The first thing we should do is get you two into a good mutual fund. Let me get out the 'Magic 8 Ball' and we'll fun some options."

Bizarre sequence of computer-generated random numbers

'What's the chance of getting a latte around here?'

Are you aware? The Higgs Boson was thought to exist even through no one had seen it!

"Woah - random!"

'Today's Odds' sign above a copier showing various odds for machine's malfunctions

"It looks as if Bodecker's project has gotten completely out of hand."

Fracking Zone - Be prepared for anything.

Market Research - "I'm trying to remember to pick up a loaf of bread, but there's a 38% probability that I'll forget."

'No, I'm not into astronomy. That telescope is for you to see your new parking spot.'

"Caution! Now entering the margin of error."

Dr. McPhee discovers the Embarrassment Particle.

The mysterious world of ligand substitution

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

'I've discovered that smart doesn't make you popular: Cool does...'

'Today, stocks dropped on poll numbers that 60% of people expected it to drop.'

'My research cover two fields: the behavior of matter under high pressure, and the behavior of scientists under high pressure.'

A man about to plug in a lamp looks at electric sockets on the wall that say 'Solar,' 'Hydro Electric' and 'Nuclear.'

Six months later they would be sharing the Nobel Prize, but for now all they could do was stare in amazement at what they had discovered...two incredibly well preserved specimens from the styrofoam age.'

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

Fruits and vegetables

A tree falls in a forest and no one is there to hear it.

Oh yeah, that's right. Now everyone wants to know the radiator cow.

Physicists at the Fourth Grotschlov Conference assembled to determine once and for all if light is a wave or a particle.

"Hello! - Have you ever thought about changing your energy supplier..?"

"This is going to ruin my ratio of protein to vegetables."