Property Speculator Gifts

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

Businessmen trying to prop up a line-chart with sticks

'And if you look to your left between the condos and the ABD store, you can see the ocean.'

Man sees sign stating dog for sale, house and land thrown in.

"One day, my boy, all this will be retirement homes."

'Stocks were up on news that no performance enhancing drugs were used to achieve today's highs. . .'

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

'You always bring me the same thing every year, toys games sports equipment. I never get what I really want!' - 'What's that?' - 'Real estate!'

"Look, son, real estate."

'Can you see the future of my 401(k)?'

'Dow, Jones, Russell & Nikkei - Leading economic indicators.'

"I think we could be very happy here until we aren't."

'I wonder how this is going to affect the market?'

Realtors: 'We make house calls'.

Home Sweet Second Home.

"I'm a real estate developer and I'm just looking over this area."

'Now this is a fabulous strategy that has worked flawlessly every year, except for those when it failed miserably.'

'So what if you found it? Whatever it is, it belongs to ME! Now, get off my beach!'

'This is close enough.'

"Ok Mr. Bisley, I'll admit it does need a bit of renovation..!"

Dog Realtor

Department of Pure Speculation.

'Don't wait too long to decide. A house with a view like this can go at any minute....'

'It looked a lot bigger in the photos.'

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

"And the bathroom has a water view...if you fill the tub."

'I think you'll find it open and spacious!'

'A free goldfish with every house you buy!'

"Do you have one with a bigger mud room?"

Couple wanting to buy the estate agents office.

Now if you're looking for a handy fixer-upper

"Anything in Mr, Rogers' neighborhood?"

'I need to get a bigger place.'

"If a sixth borough opens up, I'll let you know."

"This is a lovely three bedroom detached property, with close proximity to Heathrow and the M25!"