Property Speculation Pillows

"You called me, boss?" "Yes, I overheard you talking to patrons about all the new planets we’ve found." "I want you to stop doing that." "At least until I’m done buying up as much of that real estate as I can. I don’t need any competitors driving up the prices." "Very bad man." "When the hipsters run out of cities to gentrify here, my properties on Gliese 581c are going to make a killing."

"I can't believe how great my life is now: We used to live in an apartment, but now, I have my own garden..."

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

Sign: 'Welcome to Fernbanks. Beneath our quaint Norman Rockwell-ish exterior beats a big-box chain store heart, ready to sell out at the drop of a hat.'

'Look on the bright side; you got out of that stock before it became...unstable.'

"We found three sort-of Earthlike planets around a nearby star." "Do you think any of them have video games?" "I've been trying to work out the odds of an intelligent species arising and evolving thumbs capable of holding an X-box controller." "Proof of video games would change everything." "I wonder what the aliens on those planets consider sexy." "Living beings creating simulated beings they can smash is the hallmark of an intelligent species."

"My name's Edwin, and I'm addicted to risk."

"A hole half this size sold for 340,000 acorns last week! No inspection!"

'For Sale by Neighbor'

'Oh look, the tide is coming in.'

"A little baking soda will get rid of the smell.

An exaggeration of estate agents

Mouse real estate!

'Your mortgage is under water...so what's the problem?'

'We did have one property in your price range, but I'm afraid we sold it in 1943.'

'I'm a 100% consistent investor. I buy bonds when I should buy stocks when I should buy bonds.'

'On the face of it, it sounds great that she left me her house, but it has gone stale and what Hansel and Gretel didn't eat the birds have had a go at.'

"This one has nicer sand, but I think I prefer the tree on the last one we saw."

'I need to tell Edgar...our house sold for a million two.'

'The owner would have shown you around himself, but he doesn't rise untill after sunset.'

"The high price is due to the great view of the beach."

"You've got termites."

'It seems good, and he said the bit at the bottom is the name of the architect.'

'Floodplain close - House on stilts with ladder. Estate Agent saying, 'Welcome onto the property ladder...''

"And the bathroom has a water view...if you fill the tub."

"The landlord has promised to sort out the damp problems."

UP Again: Housing Prices.

House for sale, appliances included (in the yard).

'I need three estimates before I appoint an estate agent.' - 'Right, £120,000, £130,000 and £140,000.'

"To be honest, we were thinking of something like a Cape Cod."

"Like I told you Gladys: location, location, location."

For Sale By Owner

"This isn't a fixer upper. It's a down-and-outer."

"Yes, it's nice, but it's lost twenty per-cent of its value in the past year."