Property Sniffer T-Shirts

"Great neighborhood. You're only minutes away from a yoga studio."

"Hmmm... low ash content. Smells like someone switched to canola oil... wait, is that tripe I smell?"

'What do you mean I don't take time to smell the flowers?'

"Let me know if you smell any large-mouth bass."

'While these products may not result in weight loss, they will result in credibility loss.'

"My client was across town at the time of the murder, as a quick sniff of Exhibit A will demonstrate."

"Boy, the Reverend sure has your number."

'Don't worry. The first 30 years of being an inspector are the hardest.'

'There are no skeletons in the closets but you might have a bit of trouble with those in the back yard.'

Real Estate Life

"Well done, yes, it's a skunk scent. Concentrate though, can you smell the faint trace of perfume? It's a female skunk..."

Canadian wildfires

"You'd have thought they'd have all slept with each other by now."

Manna from heaven puts the olfactory talents of Israel's dogs to the test.'

'Some things you just accept when you move to San Andreas.'

For sale

House detective.

"Well, you did say that you were looking for a detached property."

'Yes, I do have to sniff every tree. That's how we keep score.'

You've developed a seasonal allergy. Go get this prescription filled and DO NOT stop to smell the flowers!

Homeless elderly parents - 'Isn't it nice that our kids are finally on the property ladder?'

'You'll need to put these on before the inspection.'

'That's not subsidence. That's land rising up on either side.'

Igloo with a view

"Oh it's not haunted, it's just really old and nothing works."

'Well, goodbye. And thanks for your feigned interest.'

"Come with me. I've found someone who'll talk square footage with you."

'Dry rot! Are you sure?'

Another dramatic moment ruined by seasonal allergies.

'I hate it when the pollen count's high!'

He doesn't believe we're making any money unless plant five is polluting the atmosphere.

"Bloody estate spotters have been at it again!"

'Foundations, what's wrong with the foundations?.'

'I can't pass it as a dwellable cave unless you get yourself a rollable boulder to reduce your heat loss. '

"Have you ever thought about getting an e-reader?"