Property Pun Lover Gifts

' I gather you wish to reassign your lease, Higgins.'

'This is a good investment: Three million years old, and still in perfect condition!'

"Want to know why the last lot left?"

'That's not subsidence. That's land rising up on either side.'

Real Estate: '...its only three blocks from the garbage district.'

'I made it from abandoned property ladders.'

'In your price range I could find you a very nice tent.'

And, as advertised, beautiful sea-views...

'Cosy little kitchen, isn't it?'

'Here's a nice one, 'The Oaks', but where are the oaks?'

'This wall so thin you can almost see through it!' 'That's a window.'

'Bless. Wayne's made his first affordable home sand estate.'

'Yes, the owners are giraffes...Did I forget to mention it?...'

"Oh no, there are no sinkholes on this property, but you will experience an occasional black hole."

"You're in luck. A bounce house just came on the market."

Second homing pigeon

"Well, it is a good property. The price is low because it is harder to negotiate due to its S-bend configuration."

"Buy a bunch of these tiny houses. When you need something bigger, they're stackable!"

"Hello, and welcome to 'Homes Under the Hammer. . .'"

"I looked it up online. It's actually quite roomy."

'This place is rather unusually located. Do you folks like sunsets?'

"Between you and me, the owner can't unload this fast enough."

'I'm sorry, but all we have in your price range are a few bales of hay.'

'I don't like all these mice in here.' - 'Point out the ones you don't like, and I'll have them thrown out.'

For rent £60: 'The room, you fool, the room.'

Mouse real estate!

"Dream on, Meredith - this one is way out our price range..."

Snail Estate Agents

Selling igloos: 'You'll like the hallway.'

Estate agents lined up for sale during house-price slump.

"How much are they for my rent? About three times a week!"

'A great location and only one step from the beach.'

"I know you're new and all, but this is not what we mean by flipping a house."

"This just came on the market!"

House Hunters: "Well, I do enjoy a kitchen island as much as anybody else, but. . ."