Property Mogul Wannabe Mugs

'Our house is being staged. Dad says we've got a good shot at getting in - if we can pass the audition.'

Model Village/Realistic Model Village.

“It's $195 million. Now, I know what you're thinking: 'OK, what's the catch?'”

'He's going to be an estate agent, just like his Dad.'

"My path to success and fortune was that rather than foraging and storing my own food, I built a portfolio of storage properties to rent..."

'Son, someday this will all be yours. Or Wal-Mart's. Whoever pays Daddy the most.'

"So how much money have you made from your psychic hotline business?"

'Well, the rent is a bit more expensive than usual because there are only 1 327 482 other tenants...'

World Economic Forum

"I've just bought five acres of prime oceanfront. Want to help me build on it?"

'Man, I'm age 21 now and so far, I haven't done anything important. Things can't go on like this or I will have to forget my plan to become rich and famous by writing my autobiography at age 35!'

'We do have a property in your price range, but we need a time machine to go back and visit it!'

'Do you have anything right on the beach, but not so near the water?'

"Local authorities are always whining on about the cost of 'affordable' housing..."

Eye, ear, nose, throat & real estate investment trusts.

Implausible Retirement Housing Options

'They're playing house.'

Real Estate Depression

'I think you'll find it open and spacious!'

Business men's lunches: Tycoons ?25, On the way downers ?2.50.

"Admittedly, it is a bit of a 'fixer upper'."

'Motivation...I want huge amounts of money. Vast amounts of cash.'

Estate Agent - 'They're all mine.'

Mortgage up: 'Where?.'

Strip Mine Estates - Mineral Rights? They're All Yours.

'Lower the price by ?30k!' 'He's trying to kick-start the housing market.'

"Occupant, apartment 5C: Congratulations—you may already have won the all-electric Colonial split-level house of your dreams...."

"I told you he was a motivated seller.

"Is this the wobbly table? I'll put my screenplay under this leg."

'He's building a yacht in his basement.'

"Try not to see them as a ridiculously expensive pile of bricks but rather as a value for money self build opportunity!"

The housing market begins to deflate.

"It sucks being reincarnated as a snail, but at least I've finally achieved home ownership."