Promise Watcher Pillows

'Hey - my dad promised that I'd get a gun.'

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

Cariactures

"Let's go watch TV I hear there are bowl games on."

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

'Will you please stop feeding the pigeons?!'

Tree house.

'They help with my nicotine patch addiction.'

Glance Exchange

"For most people, the sense of panic will be mild."

'Och lye the news'

"I never dreamed I'd ever enjoy watching my figure this much."

"I'm sick of watching the same movie every day."

"#notguilty."

Republicans and Democrats debate while the US economy drowns.

Coffee shop

"I said isn't it great to get away from it all."

"Alright. What should we watch first - the Youtube video or the comments below?"

Please stand by. As stocks soar, our announcer is having a fit of the giggles.

"Would you mind adjusting the vibrate on your phone? There's a seismologist on TV claiming there's been an earthquake in our neighborhood."

"Look, Martha—you contribute, I contribute, we all contribute to the pulse of the city."

"Scientists confirmed today that everything we know about the structure of the universe is wrongedy-wrong-wrong."

'We're there already? I'm still watching my video!'

"WIFI, Amazon, credit cards. Pretty much every password is named after me."

"Let me through – I'm morbidly curious!"

"'If you can't say something nice, don't say it at all' doesn't work with a grand jury."

'Harry! - If you can hear me - what did you do with the remote!?'

"First you leave me in the waiting room for two hours before I can see you... then you tell me I've got to watch my blood pressure!"

A sign outside a bookstore reads: "Meet the people in the bookstore cafe staring at their laptops 2-4 p.m."

Worthless B*****ds

"The security scanner said I have exquisite feet."

People on the train reading each other's books - only it's the same as their own.

"Or we could turn on the TV and let younger, more beautiful people have sex for us."

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'