Profit Maximizer Humorist Gifts

'All we want is to be loved while making obscene profits.'

"I keep feeling we should float the company"

Entering the Business Community: Assets/Liabilities

Will work for ETFs

"Gas. Regular. Premium. Super. You don’t want to know."

"I'd like to thank my parents and my creditors for making this possible."

"The Capt'n maintains a balanced portfolio should include a number of off-shore accounts."

'Pretty strange term, market share, considering the whole object is not to.'

'On the plus side we've saved money by getting all the numbers on one graph.'

"The numbers don't lie . . . but we do."

'The reason I like this guy's stock picks is, he's not burdened by having any experience in finance whatsoever.'

"When the company announced that they're gonna move our retirement accounts down to Mexico, I was like '401 Que Pasa?'"

"Call security, Miss Rightman. I have an overwhelming urge to throw good money after bad"

"Might you explain to me how your division managed to spend twenty-six thousand dollars on tennis balls?"

Money Bar.

'I think it is our duty to fully-experience the excess profits.'

'Why can't they call it a deer, or a squirrel market?'

'City Traders - The Complete Menagerie'

"They've made these fund prospectuses much easier to read." Brochure states; 'Give us all your money and get lost."

'The Truth-in-advertising people want us to call ourselves the 'Sluggish Fund Group'.'

"It's simple supply and demand. The shorter the supply, the more money we demand."

Remember take time to stop and smell the profits.

'I'm not motivated by profit, Henderson - I'm motivated by excessive profit.'

Paper Profits Break Glass In Case of Emergency.

'I understand they specialize in acquisitions.'

Credit Crunch Corn Flakes.

But under a different accounting convention ...

"True, a salary cap on Wall Street may limit the talent pool, but, on the other hand, if they get any more talented we'll all be broke."

'You've been pre-approved for another credit card.'

'If you're out of quarterly earnings, I'll take the assets and liabilities breakdown.'

"Aren't you the estate agent who sold us this house?"

'Instead of jail time, our head of finance chose the stock option.'

'Actually, they're a hybrid. They are a blue-chip, common stock.'

'As part of our alternative budget management strategy we've got Tim on 'Hail Marys' in here and Geoff sacrificing a goat to Woden next door!'

White Collar Crime.