Profit Maximization Pillows

"I want you to enhance long term growth while maximising short term profit. Oh, and while you're at it, turn this chunk of lead into gold."

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

The Evolution of the Bonus

Signs: Sales, Profit and Media coverage.

ACME Balloon Company.

"Maybe we should have another look at the 'business as usual' idea."

Let's Celebrate

"It's simple supply and demand. The shorter the supply, the more money we demand."

Remember take time to stop and smell the profits.

'I'm not motivated by profit, Henderson - I'm motivated by excessive profit.'

"Sorry, but there aren't enough life jackets to go around."

'I understand this was the day you seized, Ferguson?'

"Now that's how to declare a dividend!"

'That was when I closed five distribution centres, mothballed a factory and sacked 3,000 workers.'

'I need a tool to measure productivity.'

'You may have found more new customers than the other salesmen, but your profits are too small! Stop just pulling in peanuts, Barry!'

"Is it too late for me to stop poo pooing his expansion plan?"

"A good quarter is a joy forever."

"As you can see, we're happy with the sales report."

"Today we welcome back an old friend."

"That's a new side effect of our mission to keep things together."

"How are my sales doing?"

"Thanks to my cost-cutting policies, profits are up 59%."

'Miss Henshaw - bring me my trumpet.'

"R&D really created a miracle drug this time...at least it's been miraculous for our bottom line!"

'All we want is to be loved while making obscene profits.'

"This data shows us that we are going up to a new level."

And this is my dance of the third quarters profit ratio.

'Gentlemen, we make money the old-fashioned way, and it's got to STOP!'

"I think he's been capitalised!"

"More important than money?! There's only one thing more important than money and that's more money!"

"It's important to see 'beyond the obvious' when you look at a customer. . ."

Delighted worker being propelled through the air on the back of the scale coming right off the chart

"In keeping with my promise to spread the wealth, I'm giving you all a bigger piece of the pie."