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'I don't think it's a good idea to put the fact that though you've been indicted seven times, but you've only been convicted twice on your 'About' page.'

"It's a memo from the legal department reminding us to (heh-heh), 'keep our noses clean'."

A tube of toothpaste doesn't reach its full potential until in the hands of a baby.

Retirement homes' 'pill fight'.

'Hello, Acme signs? This is the Berger & Coles Law Office...'

'It's called 'cause and effect.' I pound this log and Tarzan goes bananas.'

What do you mean, "Did I try anything funny?"

"This should send the midwife off in a frenzy."

"I've edited your Wikipedia entry again, Sadie. You're about to be inundated with phone calls from the press." "Whatever, geek-boy." "You're now the world's foremost authority on Turkey leprosy, the disease that's threatening to ruin the holidays." "No one'll believe that." "Oh yeah? I wrote a Wikipedia page for Turkey leprosy, too, along with examples of all the historical figures it's killed, such as the Archduke of Crushistan." "There is no 'Crushistan.'" "I've written a Wikipedia entry for C

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'Excuse me, I'm going to talk on the cellphone while pretending you're not here.'

"We can speak freely now. I've encrypted the line."

ABC Diapers. Comfy Tushy Diapers. Now 3 times more absorbent! Note to self: Drink 4 times more juice.

Someone's going to have to tell him he's adopted...

'Oh, the usual, a postman, a couple of salesmen, a pizza delivery boy, how was your day?'

That isn't what prove you're not a robot means, Bob.

"Not that it's right, but I understand. I was young once and used to sneak out to do crop circle, too."

Tartar sauce.

Thank you for not making faces during teleconferences with the boss.

You know what I like about our meetings? There's always more finger pulling than pointing.

'Let's just keep quiet about this, and maybe some terrorist group will claim credit.'

"'Let's introduce him to a mirror' he said. 'It'll be fun he said'. You call the coroner!"

"You're making a complete ass of yourself, Rodney!"

A clown is walking a balloon dog. He is pretending it is weeing on a fire hydrant.

'Smoking or non-smoking?'

Back to the Holidays

'Just give me the computer password, Marie. I won't put any more embarrassing pictures of you on Facebook.'

"I think we both know who did it...."

Monkey dropping apples on Newton's head.

Revenge Of The Tipped Cows

Peniteniary for the terminally silly.

Children in a Nursery.

'The truth is, Gorillas don't even like bananas...They just love pratfalls.'

"I'm ready to play Hide and go Seek."

Remember, when we show mommy, we pretend this was your idea, ok?