Profile Pic Skeptic Pillows

"This can't even be the right planet! No one looks remotely like their online profile pics."

'Past performance is not an indication of future results.'

"I don't post selfies because I don't want people to feel better or worse about their looks."

"I do love you, Jerry, but it's somewhere below the conscious level."

"Ooo... she sounds nice... 'I enjoy burying myself in the sand and sideways walks on the beach.'"

Cupid misses his shot.

"I don't love you anymore, Barry, but I still think you're a great American."

'Would you like to come in for a rejection?'

'Typical man...too stubborn to stop and ask for directions.'

"If only I liked you a little more and you liked like me a little less."

Yes, but.

'Are you ready to get hurt again?'

You looked different during our video chat.

"It's from a girl in my class. Should I be thinking about a prenup?"

'You remind me of my ex-ex-ex.'

"I tolerate you too. With all my heart."

"Oh, you were on automatic pilot? And what about her? Was she on automatic pilot, too?"

'No wonder the divorce rate is so high!'

"Social service teams are claiming that they can't recruit workers because of the vicious, biased reports we write about them!"

Second Thoughts Wedding

"Greta Thunberg writes that from now on she doesn't care about climate change because mankind doesn't deserve to survive..."

*Sigh*

I don't want to buy anything. I don't want to upgrade. Watch this! What are you doing? Looking at an ad for the new Mac laptop. My heart's not racing! What's wrong with me?! It is sleek.

Using a social media app to date

'I'm worried about Junior. He's so lazy he won't even take his own selfie.'

'Excuse me, would you mind...?'

"I wish your temperature told the real truth about you."

"Just saying, if you can't trust your software upgrades, what can you trust?"

"It was love at first sight, except for his ringtone."

"No, this is not part of an evacuation procedure."

"Of course I don't love you - why d'you keep asking?"

'It's a big step getting married. I need time to think about it - What did you say your name was?'

'Is this a trick question?'

Elderly spinster commenting on a marriage

'Are you sure it's necessary to sign this part declaring 'all information is true and correct to the best of my knowledge'?.'