Profile Navigator T-Shirts

'You looked a lot smaller online.'

In the Guru District

'Are you sure that's the right map?'

Business books - Who's Who & Who's Downsized sections.

'The church says the Earth is flat, but I know that it is round for I have seen the shadow on the Moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the Church.'

"I think I've figured out why we can't find the marina."

'Now what brings you lovely people here?'

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

"We'll always have couples therapy."

'Are we there yet?'

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

'We can order Lebanese, Thai, Italian, Indian, Greek or Chinese...'

Couples' therapy

"A journey of a thousand miles begins with a MAP, actually."

I want to rip out our lawn and plant a wild meadow. And I want lost of well-mown grass. What do you recommend? Nursery open. Just a sec. I'll check with my dad. No way! Tree's Tree Nursery. I'm not suggesting a marriage counselor!

'Great Therapy!'

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

'AHH, here it is! At the next intersection, turn left, then cough, following that, turn right, then cough...' WHEN DOCTORS NAVIGATE.

"She wanted to go to the beach. I wanted to golf."

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

"I've been out of the dating scene a long time. Is kissing still a thing?"

"And finally, I’d like to thank all those people I stepped on and used to get here. I couldn’t have done it without your submissive insecurity and relentless resignation."

"I am not asking for directions."

"He keeps reissuing everything I take issue with."

Between Offices

"The whole time we were dating, he kept saying, 'You can't catch me, I'm the Gingerbread Man!"

"Of course I won't forget to tell you when quarantine's over!"

"There's something I have to tell you."

"Y'know, I don't know what I'd do without her, but I'd sure like to find out."

"Store policy is that I need a note from your wife."

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

"Why do you always assume I'm going down?"