Professor Pals T-Shirts

'Do you, Tenured, take this, Untenured, through sickness and health, to have and to hold from this day forward?'

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

"Don't tell me... you hired a professional decorator!"

"Okay, that's enough Physics for one day. Take a break and chase your tails."

'As it's your first day we're going to start you on something easy.'

'Hey Winston, this is my dad. He's obsessed with sitting.'

The 3 Musketeers come undone.

'Life isn't fair and neither is Miss Brown!'

Meet The Author's Wife. The author is too surly to talk.

"Professor Zlata! You're just in time to be the planet Neptune!"

'Going to Puppy School is so old fashioned Dad: I can do the course through open learning now...'

He's got 'I'm in grant renewal heaven' all over him.

'You can never be too fit or too tenured.'

"Surely, as the world's only superpower, we're entitled to a little mischief now and then."

I hear you're preaching godlessness, you little heathen. I'm preaching intellectual honesty. There is no proof of a Judeo Christian almighty. You might as well believe in Zeus or the spiritual powers of a raisin scone. Where do you think morality comes from? What do you think is the basis for our civil society? The almighty! All hail the raisin scone! HOJ.

If I move Jen's ortho to Friday, it conflicts with Sam's clarinet, but I can't move that to Monday because Tina has soccer! Ugh, how do I line this thing up? Rubik's Calendar.

'This is Dr Grumbacher, Professor Emeritus of Comparative Philology. Perhaps he could tell you the difference between an adverb and an adjective.'

Professors Elliot, Lars, and Roth while away the hours till the new semester begins.

"And that's the day we said goodbye to the No Child Left Behind legislation and were free to teach again."

"He's surprisingly good at small talk."

Teachers' Lounge: No Admittance

Discipline at Doggy School

Mild in the Streets

"Oh, yeah! A little to the right. . . down a bit. . . Ahhh!"

"Let's play grown-ups. I'll be the tenured professor. You can be the per-diem teaching assistant."

'Hey, Dude - I'm getting the gaggle back together!'

"This isn't obedience school. This is much more useful."

'I told you you'd got Jimmy's homework wrong.'

'I remember when a social network meant a bar.'

"If you have any more archaeology questions, I'm sure we can dig up the answer."

Dog Obedience School: 'I ate my homework.'

"Wow, the Puppy School curriculum has changed a lot since we were there: canine history, bone-burying record keeping, farting etiquette. . ."

'Stay! Roll over! Heel! I wish they'd expand the curriculum!'

Throw your hands in the air and wave 'em like you just don't care to agree on anything.

"You know, dude, you're my best friend. You may not be the coolest guy in the school. Or the most popular guy...or the smartest guy. But you're in school, you know? And you're all right."